TLTA: Comparison, Plans, Disappointment

Hi friends, today let's talk about three things: comparison, making life plans, and big disappointments.

I have a handful of people who are very curious about what on earth is happening in my life, and I'm writing this in part to address that.

I have a heavy heart today. For the past 6 months, I've been working to get myself to Provo, UT to get my cosmetology license, and later finish my degree. It has been the most stressful thing applying, getting scholarships, finding housing, and a car. But, I've felt that it is what I need to do and where I need to be, so the stress has been bearable! The biggest challenge I've faced has been with my family. My dear parents have wanted/needed me home. And 5 days before I was supposed to be making my move to Provo on October 16th, my parents took my plan away from me. I don't want to dive into the dirty details, but it has been some of the hardest few days of my life having this taken away from me.

Which brings me to our first topic, plans.
I LOVE having plans. I thrive off of making plans and goals, and up until 2 years ago, I have almost always made them into a reality! I think a part of this hard time in my life (this hard time being, time after time working unbelievably hard just to end up not getting the result I wanted) has been very humbling. I believe creating plans is good and productive, but the older I get, the more I have to be willing to be flexible to letting Heavenly Father (or if you're not Christian, the Universe) take the reigns of my life.

Being more willing to have plans change as well as being prepared for those changes would likely have saved me a lot of heartache and disappointment. It is normal to feel disappointed, but it is certainly not easy. I'm learning to turn my disappointing circumstances into gratitude for the simple moments. Not just gratitude for the extravagant, thrilling high points in life, but gratitude for being able to smile. For having a roof over my head. For the warm sunshine that hits my skin on a chilly morning.

Most of all, in the past two days I've learned that comparison truly is a nasty thief. A thief of happiness, confidence, and worst of all, hope. How easy it is to look at my own life in comparison to that of my friends on Facebook and Instagram. How unfair it is that people are happily going on trips. Going to college. Enjoying time with a big happy family. Those comparisons of course aren't accurate, but seeing it still can sting. But I remember that someone else out there always has it worse, and if we're all fighting to see who has a more difficult life, we're in for a very unhappy eternity. For this reason, I'm going to be unplugging for a bit. I refuse to allow comparison to others' lives as they are on social media take away from the bit of light I still have shining in my soul.

I love you, friends. I love my life. I simply need some time to care for myself and put some things back together. The new goal is to be moved to Provo in January, and I am cautiously optimistic! It's so important to heal when you need it. And BOY, do I need it! Shine on, friends!

Here's a photo of my dad! Sometimes I want to rip my hair out because of my parents. Yesterday was one of those days. But oh how grateful I am for these earthly parents of mine who care so darn much (sometimes too much).


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