Singles Wards, Dating Culture, and Other Dreaded Topics
I love love. It is the most special and sacred thing to experience love in all of its capacities. I also love young single adult wards!* There is always something happening, and it's such a fun culture...for the most part. Here's something I don't totally love: YSA dating culture.
*in our church, we have specific groups of single 18-31 year olds that meet
To be fair, I get it. I get the way things are done. I get that first dates (usually) don't mean anything, three dates is pretty serious, and how you hug your date goodnight gets read into WAY too much. I get that people go on 4 dates in one week with all different people. I get that things are fast paced, and if people get engaged two weeks after meeting, hey, no judgment. Actually, this part of the dating culture is honestly pretty fun to me!
However, what I don't get is the vicious shark-tank-like environment that people create while dating in a singles ward.
I've only recently jumped back into the singles ward dating scene, and BOY has it been a roller coaster ride. People are so heavily invested in my "love life" (term used very loosely) and there's not too much to tell usually! This dating thing is not as crazy as we sometimes make it!
I am NOT a pro at any of this, but I think I have a few things we could all be a little better at.
Stop competing! Especially to my sisses out there reading this, we are not each others' competition! I hold Relief Society near and dear to my heart, and I've encountered too many wonderful women who feel threatened showing up to third hour, simply because some women are competitively dating. We are each other's support system. We are taught to love one another, not love-one-another-unless-a-cute-boy-is-involved. Nobody is here at church to participate in the Hunger Games, and it's our duty as of daughters of God to foster a loving and compassionate environment for each other. Hymn 308, "As I have loved you, love one another." One of my favorite hymns, and sometimes so overlooked when we get caught up in the world.
Stop worrying! Over analyzing text messages, fussing over "what things mean", and worrying about if you're "good enough"? These are all so toxic, and completely unnecessary. Being in your 20s is already tough enough, so let's not fuss over anything more than we already need to. I imagine that finding the right guy/girl will feel more calm and natural than the movies depict. All you have to do is decide, "Do I have feelings for _____?" and "Does ________ have feelings for me?" It's really pretty straightforward. Don't hurt your heart by wondering!
Prioritize! An amazing thing I've experienced is that the less you focus on who to date and who you see marriage potential in, the more the dates come your way. The more I focus on the Savior during sacrament meeting instead of which friends I sit by, the more people are drawn to my spirit. The more I prioritize the temple, the more in tune I am with mine and others' feelings, and it is the BEST.
I felt inspired to write this over a few conversations I've had with some of my friends lately, and as it turns out, many people share my feelings about this. With Valentine's Day right around the corner, it's easy to get caught up in wanting to share the day with a significant other, but for me, I'll be perfectly content wearing pajamas and fuzzy socks, eating ice cream and watching movies with some girl friends.
Long story short, love is the most wonderful spectacular special tender amazing thing God has given us; SO LET'S NOT RUIN IT! Love your significant other, love your brothers and sisters, love your family, love everyone!
Everything will work out! Words straight from a prophet of the God! And how can you argue with a prophet of God? I also want to point out how much I absolutely love my ward. The people, the friendships, the leadership, it's so amazing! This is all very general to church dating, and really any dating.
*in our church, we have specific groups of single 18-31 year olds that meet
To be fair, I get it. I get the way things are done. I get that first dates (usually) don't mean anything, three dates is pretty serious, and how you hug your date goodnight gets read into WAY too much. I get that people go on 4 dates in one week with all different people. I get that things are fast paced, and if people get engaged two weeks after meeting, hey, no judgment. Actually, this part of the dating culture is honestly pretty fun to me!
However, what I don't get is the vicious shark-tank-like environment that people create while dating in a singles ward.
I've only recently jumped back into the singles ward dating scene, and BOY has it been a roller coaster ride. People are so heavily invested in my "love life" (term used very loosely) and there's not too much to tell usually! This dating thing is not as crazy as we sometimes make it!
I am NOT a pro at any of this, but I think I have a few things we could all be a little better at.
Stop competing! Especially to my sisses out there reading this, we are not each others' competition! I hold Relief Society near and dear to my heart, and I've encountered too many wonderful women who feel threatened showing up to third hour, simply because some women are competitively dating. We are each other's support system. We are taught to love one another, not love-one-another-unless-a-cute-boy-is-involved. Nobody is here at church to participate in the Hunger Games, and it's our duty as of daughters of God to foster a loving and compassionate environment for each other. Hymn 308, "As I have loved you, love one another." One of my favorite hymns, and sometimes so overlooked when we get caught up in the world.
Stop worrying! Over analyzing text messages, fussing over "what things mean", and worrying about if you're "good enough"? These are all so toxic, and completely unnecessary. Being in your 20s is already tough enough, so let's not fuss over anything more than we already need to. I imagine that finding the right guy/girl will feel more calm and natural than the movies depict. All you have to do is decide, "Do I have feelings for _____?" and "Does ________ have feelings for me?" It's really pretty straightforward. Don't hurt your heart by wondering!
Prioritize! An amazing thing I've experienced is that the less you focus on who to date and who you see marriage potential in, the more the dates come your way. The more I focus on the Savior during sacrament meeting instead of which friends I sit by, the more people are drawn to my spirit. The more I prioritize the temple, the more in tune I am with mine and others' feelings, and it is the BEST.
I felt inspired to write this over a few conversations I've had with some of my friends lately, and as it turns out, many people share my feelings about this. With Valentine's Day right around the corner, it's easy to get caught up in wanting to share the day with a significant other, but for me, I'll be perfectly content wearing pajamas and fuzzy socks, eating ice cream and watching movies with some girl friends.
Long story short, love is the most wonderful spectacular special tender amazing thing God has given us; SO LET'S NOT RUIN IT! Love your significant other, love your brothers and sisters, love your family, love everyone!
Everything will work out! Words straight from a prophet of the God! And how can you argue with a prophet of God? I also want to point out how much I absolutely love my ward. The people, the friendships, the leadership, it's so amazing! This is all very general to church dating, and really any dating.
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