The Common Identity Crisis
"Jamie, don't take this the wrong way, but what are you..?"
This is a very vague question, but I have been asked it so many times that I know what they're referring to.
"I am half Korean, and half Caucasian."
"OH! I can totally see the Asian in you now! That makes sense."
End scene.
This type of conversation has always made me feel relatively awkward, but I could never really pinpoint why. I mean, these people who ask these things are doing so with harmless intent. However, in recent times I have been able to understand how detrimental this type of conversation is to people.
Let's break this conversation down, piece by piece.
First, I am told to not take offense to whatever is about to be said. This puts me in the mindset that something potentially offensive is about to be said. Second, the question "what are you?" is asked. A thousand retaliating questions pop to my mind, but particularly, "Why do you care so much about my ethnicity?" I however respond with the answer you want, and you then continue to subtly stab at me by saying you can see my response agrees with my appearance, so you are content. You are content because you have successfully labeled and categorized me in your mind.
The human brain naturally likes to file and categorize everything. The issue with this is I am not a thing to be categorized, because when you put me in your filing cabinet of "Asian", you then label me with every stereotype in the book because it makes you comfortable. As with so many other people, I take pride in my culture and my background, not only from my mom's Korean side, but even with my dad's side. I have the pleasure of enjoying Korean meals, understanding the basics of the language, and understanding cultural differences. I have the pleasure to eat comfort food that my dad grew up on, hear stories of his childhood on the east coast, and even learn the complex story of how my parents met in the first place. All of these beautiful things are thrown away when people are not content with simply seeing me as a person, but rather they must be able to categorize me. The sad thing of this is I am not my ethnicity. I am not the label people attempt to put on me.
If this is who I am not, then I must discover who I am.
This is a common identity crisis many are faced with. Not just people of diverse ethnic backgrounds, but really any person. These labels do not stop at race, but continue with what you do, what you practice, and what you believe. I have discovered that people will label you on three different degrees, depending on how well they know you.
1.) Appearance
"Oh she's the blonde one with really long legs."
"He's the black guy that dresses nice every day,"
"She's the half Asian girl that's super short."
That last one is me, in case you didn't catch it. The first level of labels involves what they don't have to ask you about (in general), the things they can see or know at first glance.
2.) Activities
Some of these labels that I have heard given to myself and my friends include, the soccer player, the dancer, the Mormon, the Catholic, the Atheist, the prude, the partier, the straight A student, the fraternity guy, the sorority girl, the one in student government, and the one who doesn't do anything.
All are simply another way to quickly pass judgment on a person, and trust me, there is no winning in any of these labels.
3.) Personality
Finally, some actual material and content! Unfortunately, many people do not go so far as to label someone by the actual person that they are. I was described in high school as the "Asian student council girl" but if I was very lucky, they would throw on the label that I am kind, or a strong leader, or well spoken. All of these are level three labels.
This likely doesn't seem like a big deal, until you stop giving people something to label you with. For example, at the beginning of this Spring semester, I made some decisions that put me in a situation that many others would have considered me to be in an identity crisis. I dropped many of my activities that people would associate me with. I had a total of five people tell me, "Jamie, you can't do this. If you're not a part of these things, then who are you?"
Ouch.
Who am I? Well this question is not a new one. In fact, it is one that we see everywhere around us. In resumes, in scholarship applications, in interviews, heck, even in social media biographies. In a small space, we are asked to tell the world wide web who we are. Many people will literally write out these labels that people have given to them. Here's an example:
"NWCTA. Student Body President. Cheer Captain. Future member of the NV Wolf Pack."
Fall of 2014, this was my Twitter bio, and this is by no means uncommon among the social media world. Upon realizing that I hate labels, my new biographies read:
"Leadership rocks my socks | kindness advocate | It's a great day to have a great day!"
Corny, yes, but a much more accurate representation of who I am. Why? Because there are thousands of student body presidents. Thousands of cheer captains. Thousands of people attending my school. But, there is only one me, and those attributes of leadership, kindness, and positivity are who I truly am.
I advise you all to go and create your own labels. Do not feel the discomfort others will have in not being able to categorize you in their limited filing cabinets. Do not allow other people to deceive you into believing your worth is only in the things you participate in. We live in a world where level three labels matter now more than ever. Be so kind that that is how people label you. Be charitable, forgiving, hopeful, knowledgeable, persistent, and loving. Display to the world that your labels are who you are, and not what you look like or what you do.
This is a lesson I learned from a very dear friend of mine. He taught me things that I did not put much thought into until now. It is my belief that [the worth of souls is great in the sight of God] (D&C 18:10), and God does not see you as the worldly things you participate in. He does not see your race. He sees your actions, and your good works. He loves us more than we can even comprehend, so let's start by loving ourselves more by becoming the people we want to be!
To the right is a photo at the dinner where we served our missionaries. Add "giving" to my list of level three labels. Also in this photo are many of my dear friends. I am a firm believer that the friends we choose are portrayals of the type of person we are, and I for one, love my choices.
(Not sure what a missionary is or why we have them? Learn more here!)
This is a very vague question, but I have been asked it so many times that I know what they're referring to.
"I am half Korean, and half Caucasian."
"OH! I can totally see the Asian in you now! That makes sense."
End scene.
This type of conversation has always made me feel relatively awkward, but I could never really pinpoint why. I mean, these people who ask these things are doing so with harmless intent. However, in recent times I have been able to understand how detrimental this type of conversation is to people.
Let's break this conversation down, piece by piece.
First, I am told to not take offense to whatever is about to be said. This puts me in the mindset that something potentially offensive is about to be said. Second, the question "what are you?" is asked. A thousand retaliating questions pop to my mind, but particularly, "Why do you care so much about my ethnicity?" I however respond with the answer you want, and you then continue to subtly stab at me by saying you can see my response agrees with my appearance, so you are content. You are content because you have successfully labeled and categorized me in your mind.
The human brain naturally likes to file and categorize everything. The issue with this is I am not a thing to be categorized, because when you put me in your filing cabinet of "Asian", you then label me with every stereotype in the book because it makes you comfortable. As with so many other people, I take pride in my culture and my background, not only from my mom's Korean side, but even with my dad's side. I have the pleasure of enjoying Korean meals, understanding the basics of the language, and understanding cultural differences. I have the pleasure to eat comfort food that my dad grew up on, hear stories of his childhood on the east coast, and even learn the complex story of how my parents met in the first place. All of these beautiful things are thrown away when people are not content with simply seeing me as a person, but rather they must be able to categorize me. The sad thing of this is I am not my ethnicity. I am not the label people attempt to put on me.
If this is who I am not, then I must discover who I am.
This is a common identity crisis many are faced with. Not just people of diverse ethnic backgrounds, but really any person. These labels do not stop at race, but continue with what you do, what you practice, and what you believe. I have discovered that people will label you on three different degrees, depending on how well they know you.
1.) Appearance
"Oh she's the blonde one with really long legs."
"He's the black guy that dresses nice every day,"
"She's the half Asian girl that's super short."
That last one is me, in case you didn't catch it. The first level of labels involves what they don't have to ask you about (in general), the things they can see or know at first glance.
2.) Activities
Some of these labels that I have heard given to myself and my friends include, the soccer player, the dancer, the Mormon, the Catholic, the Atheist, the prude, the partier, the straight A student, the fraternity guy, the sorority girl, the one in student government, and the one who doesn't do anything.
All are simply another way to quickly pass judgment on a person, and trust me, there is no winning in any of these labels.
3.) Personality
Finally, some actual material and content! Unfortunately, many people do not go so far as to label someone by the actual person that they are. I was described in high school as the "Asian student council girl" but if I was very lucky, they would throw on the label that I am kind, or a strong leader, or well spoken. All of these are level three labels.
This likely doesn't seem like a big deal, until you stop giving people something to label you with. For example, at the beginning of this Spring semester, I made some decisions that put me in a situation that many others would have considered me to be in an identity crisis. I dropped many of my activities that people would associate me with. I had a total of five people tell me, "Jamie, you can't do this. If you're not a part of these things, then who are you?"
Ouch.
Who am I? Well this question is not a new one. In fact, it is one that we see everywhere around us. In resumes, in scholarship applications, in interviews, heck, even in social media biographies. In a small space, we are asked to tell the world wide web who we are. Many people will literally write out these labels that people have given to them. Here's an example:
"NWCTA. Student Body President. Cheer Captain. Future member of the NV Wolf Pack."
Fall of 2014, this was my Twitter bio, and this is by no means uncommon among the social media world. Upon realizing that I hate labels, my new biographies read:
"Leadership rocks my socks | kindness advocate | It's a great day to have a great day!"
Corny, yes, but a much more accurate representation of who I am. Why? Because there are thousands of student body presidents. Thousands of cheer captains. Thousands of people attending my school. But, there is only one me, and those attributes of leadership, kindness, and positivity are who I truly am.
I advise you all to go and create your own labels. Do not feel the discomfort others will have in not being able to categorize you in their limited filing cabinets. Do not allow other people to deceive you into believing your worth is only in the things you participate in. We live in a world where level three labels matter now more than ever. Be so kind that that is how people label you. Be charitable, forgiving, hopeful, knowledgeable, persistent, and loving. Display to the world that your labels are who you are, and not what you look like or what you do.
This is a lesson I learned from a very dear friend of mine. He taught me things that I did not put much thought into until now. It is my belief that [the worth of souls is great in the sight of God] (D&C 18:10), and God does not see you as the worldly things you participate in. He does not see your race. He sees your actions, and your good works. He loves us more than we can even comprehend, so let's start by loving ourselves more by becoming the people we want to be!
To the right is a photo at the dinner where we served our missionaries. Add "giving" to my list of level three labels. Also in this photo are many of my dear friends. I am a firm believer that the friends we choose are portrayals of the type of person we are, and I for one, love my choices.
(Not sure what a missionary is or why we have them? Learn more here!)
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